4.5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Blog About the Election

November 4, 2008 in Election 2008
Tags: Blog, Blogging, comedy, Election, howto, Humor, List, McCain, Obama, Politics, satire

Looking ’round the blogosphere, I’ve observed that just about everyone and their brother is talking about the election, since it’s election day in this country. Don’t follow suit.

Why, you ask?

1. Everyone Else is Doing It

This one is self-explanatory – the more people are doing something, the less interesting it becomes. And you don’t want to be like everyone else, do you? I mean, look at what mass movements have done before: Nazism. The Bolshevik Revolution. The Spanish Inquisition. The Crusades. Al-Qaeda. The list goes on and on. When you see the masses move in one direction, you should immediately swing in the other, and this case is no different.

2. Other People Get Paid To Do It

There are tons of people working for various mainstream news networks that are actually being paid to cover the election. This means that they’re professionals. And, if they’re professionals, they’re definitely going to put their heart and souls into their work (that is, if journalism’s even alive). These professionals are going to blow anything an amateur like yourself is going to write out of the water. They possess superior writing skills and far better resources, while you have nothing to do but quote their reports for their data and their opinion. Plus, they’re much, much better looking than you. And you know how the masses flock to those who look good – just look at Sarah Palin! Or Britney (Spears)! Or anyone else!

3. You Have Better Things To Do

Go outside (no, don’t vote) and have fun. Read a book. Play cards with your friends (though, if you’re a blogger, you don’t have friends) and family. Talk with your kids. Eat some ice cream. Have sex. Do SOMETHING other than waste your time covering the election on your blog. Just have fun doing anything at all will be a nice change of pace while your stupid coworkers are holding election parties. Yes, it may seem super-important to you that you cover this (apparently) historic election and get your voice heard on the internet, but, really…

4. No One Cares

You’re one of those people whose heart leaps every time he gets 10 views on his blog, thinking that all those articles you read over at Copyblogger helped you reap 50% gains in traffic. You use Google Analytics to track all of your 4 unique viewers in a day, desperately trying to find ways to attract more people to your site. You think those 4 visitors (who barely found you using a Google search) really give two shits what you think about the election? Do you think that they’ll actually pay attention to your pitiful, whiny attempts at liveblogging? No! Of course not!

4.5. The Election’s Over Anyways

Bow down to the DRE-700!

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