McCain Foreign Policy Memo

From Randy Scheunmann to John McCain:


Some people don’t exactly know what your foreign policy is. In fact, right now, your foreign policy is in as much doubt as Obama’s religion. In a week, if you adopt this policy, everyone will know that you’re a force to be reckoned with even though you’ve got stubby arms.

Emphasize these three points:

  • We’re America, so we can invade any country we please, as long as they’re not Christian. In fact, tell the people that we’re gonna invade anyone who disagrees with us at the UN or any other of those fake international conferences. Why don’t they let us (America) talk the entire time? Why should we let that bastard Putin or Chavez talk when we’re America and we’re the best? We know we’ve got the best ideas.
  • If your name is Iran or Russia, watch the hell out. Keep alluding to these invasions as “more wars” in  the future. Everyone will know what you’re talking about. Oh, and since you’ve already tried the Bomb-Iran song, why not open one of your town hall meetings with the Beatles’ “Back in the USSR”? It will be perfect after they conquered Georgia, raped the children, and turned Georgia into a godless, Communist state.
  • We’re at war right now. Shove this down everyone’s throats. We’re at war right now, and we’re always going to be at war with somebody, whether it’s the Islamofascist terrorists who are trying to bomb our troops in Iraq, or the Soviets that are trying to conquer the world again. Make it clear that we’re going to call on the brave men and women of America MULTIPLE times (as in 4-5 tours of duty) so we can win these wars. If they ask what the wars are about, just say that it’s for national security and that if we didn’t fight the wars, we’d have another 9/11 happen.
So, John, that sums it up. If you reiterate your three-pronged attack of invasion, invasion, and more invasion, people will get to know (and like!) your foreign policy.
Remember, we need to take Georgia back, or I’ll go bankrupt!

  1. 1st class – 1st class, indeed!

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